Accidents Happen

I am extremely protective of Carter. Since I have struggled with post-partum depression, which I will write about in a different post, I’ve been sensitive to anything that is even mildly out of the ordinary.

This post isn’t about my over-protectiveness, it’s about “accidents.” As a new mom, I haven’t exactly come to terms with “accidents” lately. I want everything to be perfect for my baby, why should any mistakes or accidents happen if I can avoid them?

Well, today an accident happened and it was definitely my fault.

I’m use to laying Carter down on the bed or in his boppy pillow and being able to get things done because he would be sleeping or entertaining himself or just sitting and babbling with me. Now, Carter has his own personality and he loves to move. He can’t crawl yet but he’s rolling over and sitting up and wanting lots and lots of attention. I love this about him, I love to see him grow and change every day.

Today, I made the mistake of looking in the other room while he was sitting in his boppy on the couch. I had all of the space cleared around him so he was as far back from the edge as possible, I had him leaded back in his pillow with pillows around him as well, and I looked in the other room for less than one minute and… I hear a thud.

Yes, today Carter fell off the couch. For the first, of potentially many times, something like this could happen, he fell.

I truthfully don’t think I’ve ever moved faster in my life.

I ran to little Carter who was now laying on his tummy on the floor screaming at the top of his lungs. Instantly, I picked him up and starting hugging him and checking him for injuries. Sobbing, I call my mom and ask her what I should do. “Do I call 9-1-1? What if I hurt him? Am I a bad mom?” These were just some of the questions I franticly asked. She of course told me just to check on him and to calm down.  She told me about how I was dropped and bumped against things my whole infancy and I’m perfectly fine. (I don’t give enough credit to my mom, without her love and her help I would be an incredible mess. Thanks for always having my back mama.)

I then call Evan and proceed to tell him that I am a failure and I let our baby fall. Again, I am told that it’s okay and to calm myself down.

Today was an absolutely terrifying day for me. The first time something like this has ever happened to Carter. Thankfully, he is fine. As soon as a picked him up he stopped crying and was just breathing a little fast and seemed a little shaken up but, he is back to his giggly little self now. No worries.

-K.